It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
Randomize
