Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize
