Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
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