Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
