and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
