so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Randomize
