the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
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