i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
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