I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Randomize
