Swine flu. Run for my life!
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
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