pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
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