I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
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