Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
