She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
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