The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
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