whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Randomize
