Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Randomize
