I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
