It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
I am available for nakedness
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
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