This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
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