when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
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