I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
Randomize
