I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
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