I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
Randomize