Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
and you said cock pushups were impossible
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Randomize
