Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
Randomize
