not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
