I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
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