I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
