Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
Randomize
