The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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