Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
someone threw a dead crab at me
Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Randomize
