1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
Randomize
