I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
