People with herpes should wear stickers.
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
