I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
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