i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
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