One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
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