I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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