yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
Randomize
