I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Randomize
