Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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