You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
Randomize
