There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
He told me they were just razor bumps!
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
Randomize
