I'm lost and stupid without you.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
