Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
Randomize
