Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
Randomize
