She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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