Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
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