wanna go halves on a baby?
Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
Randomize
