I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
