Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
Randomize
