She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
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