I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
