my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
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