I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
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