I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
