I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
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