Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
Randomize
