Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Randomize
