Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Randomize
