Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize