My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
