i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
