hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Randomize
