will power is for people who don't want to get laid
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
