I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Randomize
