Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
Thank you for not boning my boss.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
Randomize
