I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
it's like heaven, but drunker
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
