i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
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