I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
i out mim tonsoeep
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Randomize
