Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
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