maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
I think i got beer on your cat.
Randomize
